Your beliefs and attitudes directly determine what is drawn to you.

While it may initially sound like actual beliefs (or at least whatever you buy into at any given time) would directly determine which kinds of people and situations are magnetized toward your direction.  Like-minded people, whether consciously or unconsciously, are bound to find each other.

It’s no secret that if you are drunk at a party, you’ll be inclined to attract different individuals and experiences from those you’d come across if you were sober.  (You’ll also get different responses from those you come across.)

Remember the cliques in junior high and high school? It’s rather amusing to think the same kinds of groupings and the same sorts of behaviors take place at almost every school to some degree, even if the students never do meet those from other places.

The rest of our lives actually involve being placed in various types of groupings almost the same way, although it is much less obvious.

Consider the following statements.  Perhaps you’ve found yourself saying or feeling some of them:

• “How come I always seem to attract all the losers, while my girlfriend always gets all the good guys?”
  • While you may believe you think a lot of yourself, perhaps some unrealized low self-esteem pattern or need to seem “better” than those around you propels you to attract those you are inclined to want to reject or put down in some way
• “I don’t know how he does it! He always manages to surround himself with good people.”
  • This could be a sign of a person with a lot of integrity and wisdom who knows how to attract the right people.  On the other hand, this could be an individual with a personality disorder that allows him to know what to say and how to say it to individuals who are basically good people but who have some hidden flaw in their character that sets them up to be taken. At times, that flaw is the over-compensating need to please others, even if it jeopardizes themselves.
• “I’m tired of always attracting people who take advantage of me.”
  • This could potentially be a martyr who makes a living pretending not to see the red flags at first and then overly pointing them out to others later
• “I can’t get over how the women all floc to me now that I have a girlfried and I’m no longer looking.  Before I met my fiance’, I couldn’t seem to catch a cold.”
  • While it’s true that most people are often attracted to someone who is happy and confident, in this particular scenario, chances are that the people who would be attracted to someone in a committed relationship are the ones who would most likely not be interested in someone who is available or attracted to them.
  • If you find yourself always drawn to those who are unavailable, that could mean you are more “wired” to go after someone you can’t get than you are to receive someone who could actually have a relationship with you.

We know that inner beliefs form the foundation of perception.  Your experiences are interpreted within the framework of these beliefs.  What are YOUR inner beliefs, YOUR inner strength?  Use them to YOUR benefit…keep that positive energy (thoughts) flowing freely.

The word “regret” often falls on deaf ears.  You may be someone who rationalizes everything you have experienced in your life, and you may say it was well worth it; or you may be someone who can admit that you already paid too high a price for lessons you may not have yet learned.

As you look back on your life, here are a few possible areas of regret:

Letting opportunities get away because of the needs of someone else.
Being sexually promiscuous.
Getting into a long-term relationship with the wrong person for you.
Letting your health go.
Taking a job to please someone else.
Condemning people for things that you do or have done yourself.
And more….

Forgiveness is releasing burdensome thoughts-hate, anger, revenge, hurt-towards someone whom you feel has harmed you or others intentionally or unintentionally.  Part of the process of forgiveness is grieving, not minimizing what happened.

Forgiveness is part of your own healing process.  Honor this process and don’t let anyone rush you on until you’re ready.  Although you may think forgiveness is for the benefit of others, it’s really for you.

Probably the greatest task in life, and one of your greatest opportunities, is to look in the mirror and accept yourself for who you are right now.  Once you heal your own hurts and regrets, the more compassion you will have for others.

Write down regrets you have to work through, compromises you need to make, and people you want to forgive.  It especially helps if you are not judgmental, critical or blame yourself or others when completing this part of the exercise. How does that feel?

Happiness, appreciation of self and others, and pure joy are aspects that make life worth living.  In fact, they may be the key to understanding what is meaningful in your daily existence.

Things you can cherish are thoughts, statements, and pictures in your mind that you can access when times are rough.

• People, pets, places, concepts and ideas you believe to be true could also be cherished for the joy they bring into your life.

The more memories, feelings and moments or heartfelt love you have to cherish, the easier it will be to gather hope on a day when you especially need it.  If you were falling in an airplant about to crash and you flashed your most joyous thoughts and moments in your mind, what would they be?

Write down the things you cherish.  Be as spontaneous as possible.  Try to allow yourself to consider those pictures that come to your mind freely.  Don’t determine what you should or should not be thinking. A wonderful exercise when feeling stressed and you need to bring in some positive energy.