Use Social Activity As A Service and Benefit

Do you find you only feel “worthy” when you are getting attention from others? Then you may find yourself feeling like you are ”disappearing” when you are in a group of people and don’t stand out in some way. You may not understand why you feel this way or that you are even doing it.

In work-related groups or social clubs, make a point of getting involved for the benefit of others as well as for yourself. Approach work or social organizations as if it’s a priviledge for you to serve others.

Feel free to give what you can and “sing your heart out.” If you make room for others in the group to benefit along with you, you will be better received and appreciated for your efforts.

If you really are doing some “big” things, involving others and helping them, as well as letting them help you, this truly makes you a wonderful person. Also, you will probably evoke less jealously from people when you don’t come from the standpoint of just aggrandizing yourself.

When you stand out and become a “star”, play your part, then blend in again. Consider it a priviledge to play a leadership role but know there’s also plenty to gain from sitting back and letting others shine when it’s their turn. You get a better grasp of the big picture and better sense of yourself when you are part of the crowd and don’t take yourself so seriously.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Make a list of five acquaintances or idols you feel are successful in some way. Write down how and why they are so accomplished. Then consider their burdens and flaws if you know them.

They all have hurdles possibly ones you would never want to have to overcome yoursels. As much as you might fantasize about being someone else, his or her life can’t really be more right for you than your own.

The sooner you let go of envying or idolizing others and focus on your own assets and challenges, the better off you will be. Learn from them as much as you can, but focus on your own special uniqueness.

The future is yours… what we put out we get back…share your authentic self. What are you going to do differently? Please share your comments, I’d love to help you.

Filed Under: Relationships · Tagged With: accept the person, forgiving yourself, positive energy

How are your beliefs affecting YOU?

by barbara Leave a Comment

Your beliefs and attitudes directly determine what is drawn to you.

While it may initially sound like actual beliefs (or at least whatever you buy into at any given time) would directly determine which kinds of people and situations are magnetized toward your direction. Like-minded people, whether consciously or unconsciously, are bound to find each other.

It’s no secret that if you are drunk at a party, you’ll be inclined to attract different individuals and experiences from those you’d come across if you were sober. (You’ll also get different responses from those you come across.)

Remember the cliques in junior high and high school? It’s rather amusing to think the same kinds of groupings and the same sorts of behaviors take place at almost every school to some degree, even if the students never do meet those from other places.

The rest of our lives actually involve being placed in various types of groupings almost the same way, although it is much less obvious.

Consider the following statements. Perhaps you’ve found yourself saying or feeling some of them:

“How come I always seem to attract all the losers, while my girlfriend always gets all the good guys?”
- While you may believe you think a lot of yourself, perhaps some unrealized low self-esteem pattern or need to seem “better” than those around you propels you to attract those you are inclined to want to reject or put down in some way
“I don’t know how he does it! He always manages to surround himself with good people.”
- This could be a sign of a person with a lot of integrity and wisdom who knows how to attract the right people. On the other hand, this could be an individual with a personality disorder that allows him to know what to say and how to say it to individuals who are basically good people but who have some hidden flaw in their character that sets them up to be taken. At times, that flaw is the over-compensating need to please others, even if it jeopardizes themselves.
“I’m tired of always attracting people who take advantage of me.”
- This could potentially be a martyr who makes a living pretending not to see the red flags at first and then overly pointing them out to others later
“I can’t get over how the women all floc to me now that I have a girlfried and I’m no longer looking. Before I met my fiance’, I couldn’t seem to catch a cold.”
- While it’s true that most people are often attracted to someone who is happy and confident, in this particular scenario, chances are that the people who would be attracted to someone in a committed relationship are the ones who would most likely not be interested in someone who is available or attracted to them.
- If you find yourself always drawn to those who are unavailable, that could mean you are more “wired” to go after someone you can’t get than you are to receive someone who could actually have a relationship with you.

We know that inner beliefs form the foundation of perception. Your experiences are interpreted within the framework of these beliefs. What are YOUR inner beliefs, YOUR inner strength? Use them to YOUR benefit…keep that positive energy (thoughts) flowing freely.

Filed Under: Relationships · Tagged With: feelings, inner beliefs, inner soul, perception, positive energy, thoughts

Are You A Fix-It Person?

by barbara Leave a Comment

Here are seven questions to ask yourself to determine if a situation cannot be fixed by staying in it:

Have you tried everything, but nothing has worked?

Have you offered the others involved a workable plan that would be helpful to everyone, but no one is interested?

Do you find yourself saying, “This situation would be fine if the other person would change?” Yet, you are well aware that the other party will not change.

Have you tried to see things from a different perspective so the situation could be worked out? However, even when you change your perspective, is there still no resolution?

Does everything seem to get worse the more you try?

Have you learned anything or gained any new insight from this dilemma?

Have you considered the idea of “fixing” this scenario by focusing on what to change about yourself, and you’ve made some minor and even major changes but to no avail?

If you have considered all seven questions and tried them all, you may want to consider stepping outside the picture and emotionally pulling out your energy. “This way you can run your own life without being entangled in the drama.”

Those who choose to stay in relationships and situations despite the fact they are barraged with double-bind messages would do well to consider the following points:

Realize the other party won’t change.

Accept the person or situation as is without judgment; don’t take personally any negative statements aimed at you.

Stop trying to makes sense of the scenario; decide what makes you happy, and do it no matter what’s going on. Recognize that the other party won’t be happy with anything you do.

If it’s work related, simply do what’s asked of you and go with the flow, all the while keeping your eyes open for another job. Work-related double binds are usually more about being a team player and agreeing with the boss than actually getting the work done effectively.

If doing any of the above seems impossible for you to accept or do, you would probably do well to remove yourself completely from the person or situation.

What do you think? Please share your comments in the boxes below…if you don’t see a box, click on the title of this post…THANKS!

Filed Under: Relationships · Tagged With: accept the person, entangled, tried everything, what to change