Use Social Activity As A Service and Benefit

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helping business meeting

Do you find you only feel “worthy” when you are getting attention from others?  Then you may find yourself feeling like you are  ”disappearing” when you are in a group of people and don’t stand out in some way.  You may not understand why you feel this way or that you are even doing it.

In work-related groups or social clubs, make a point of getting involved for the benefit of others as well as for yourself.  Approach work or social organizations as if it’s a priviledge for you to serve others.

Feel free to give what you can and “sing your heart out.”  If you make room for others in the group to benefit along with you, you will be better received and appreciated for your efforts.

If you really are doing some “big” things, involving others and helping them, as well as letting them help you, this truly makes you a wonderful person.  Also, you will probably evoke less jealously from people when you don’t come from the standpoint of just aggrandizing yourself.

When you stand out and become a “star”, play your part, then blend in again.  Consider it a priviledge to play a leadership role but know there’s also plenty to gain from sitting back and letting others shine when it’s their turn.  You get a better grasp of the big picture and better sense of yourself when you are part of the crowd and don’t take yourself so seriously.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Make a list of five acquaintances or idols you feel are successful in some way.  Write down how and why they are so accomplished.  Then consider their burdens and flaws if you know them.

They all have hurdles possibly ones you would never want to have to overcome yoursels.  As much as you might fantasize about being someone else, his or her life can’t really be more right for you than your own.

The sooner you let go of envying or idolizing others and focus on your own assets and challenges, the better off you will be.  Learn from them as much as you can, but focus on your own special uniqueness.

The future is yours… what we put out we get back…share your authentic self.  What are you going to do differently? Please share your comments, I’d love to help you.

Filed Under: Relationships · Tagged With: , ,

Achieve a Winners Attitude..Overcome Self Doubt

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MAN W THUMBS UP

In reality we all need a break from the intensity of complex and stressful relationships from time to time.  That’s not to say, however, that intimate relationship problems don’t require an immediate response of some sort.  They usually do. You might want to respond by saying, “Let’s work through this problem, then we’ll take time to sort out other issues. “  These statements can help you stay calm while gaining time to gather your thoughts so you can make effective decisions.

Overtime, you may decide to call back, have a deep discussion, write a letter, explain your position, or just let the relationship drift off.  It depends on your closeness to the person and the intensity of your dilemma.  Although it’s good to have closure or full healing in relationships, it’s not always possible right away, especially if there appears to be no mutual respect or meeting of the minds.

Sometimes everything clears up years later, and sometimes situations are best left unfinished until you are able to effectively express your feelings and muddle the situation further.  Looking at the “big picture” as well as examining how your buttons are being pushed, may lead you to realize you have internal issues to work out.  The dilemma may be more about you than your relationship problems with the other person.  Overcome self doubt and take time-out from discussing the subject may be a good idea.

  • Consider for a moment the irony in your chattering monkeys.  Oddly enough down the road when you look back, the things you’re going through right now will make some sort of sense in your life story.
  • Choose your mentors well.  Make certain they have sound judgment.  It also makes sense to seek help from people you feel comfortable around and can relate to honestly.  If you are disappointed with the initial help or advice, get another opinion or consider altering your perspective.  When you are seeking help, prepare to receive new ideas and suggestions. Put a ring on your right index finger and let the positive energy flow in.
  • Choose all your future friends and jobs carefully, for they are the vehicles through which you will learn more about yourself.  Be alert for red flags–people or jobs which may represent negative distractions or lessons with high price tags.
  • Do something physical.  Take a long walk, run around the block a few times or play tennis. Once you get started, you may enjoy it. In addition, taking interesting classes, or singing in a chorus will enliven you.  Singing in the shower is a great way for releasing pent-up feelings and energy.  Commit to something physically exerting regularly.
  • Create positive, empowering alternatives for negative ones that pop up in your mind.
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Are You A Fix-It Person?

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Here are seven questions to ask yourself to determine if a situation cannot be fixed by staying in it:

  1. Have you tried everything, but nothing has worked?
  2. Have you offered the others involved a workable plan that would be helpful to everyone, but no one is interested?
  3. Do you find yourself saying, “This situation would be fine if the other person would change?” Yet, you are well aware that the other party will not change.
  4. Have you tried to see things from a different perspective so the situation could be worked out?  However, even when you change your perspective, is there still no resolution?
  5. Does everything seem to get worse the more you try?
  6. Have you learned anything or gained any new insight from this dilemma?
  7. Have you considered the idea of  “fixing” this scenario by focusing on what to change about yourself, and you’ve made some minor and even major changes but to no avail?

If you have considered all seven questions and tried them all, you may want to consider stepping outside the picture and emotionally pulling out your energy.  “This way you can run your own life without being entangled in the drama.”

Those who choose to stay in relationships and situations despite the fact they are barraged with double-bind messages would do well to consider the following points:

  • Realize the other party won’t change.
  • Accept the person or situation as is without judgment; don’t take personally any negative statements aimed at you.
  • Stop trying to makes sense of the scenario; decide what makes you happy, and do it no matter what’s going on.  Recognize that the other party won’t be happy with anything you do.
  • If it’s work related, simply do what’s asked of you and go with the flow, all the while keeping your eyes open for another job.  Work-related double binds are usually more about being a team player and agreeing with the boss than actually getting the work done effectively.

If doing any of the above seems impossible for you to accept or do, you would probably do well to remove yourself completely from the person or situation.

What do you think?  Please share your comments in the boxes below…if you don’t see a box, click on the title of this post…THANKS!

Filed Under: Relationships · Tagged With: , , ,