Anger | Barbara Berg

4 Step Plan for Expressing Anger Effectively

Take a breath – be positive – be part of the solution - do not be part of the problem

Step 1

Repeat positive and calming self-statements IMMEDIATELY, such as “I’ll get through this OK, Relax, Breath”. Nothing is worth my making it worse.”

Since your anger has been triggered, and you may be out of control, stop everything. Take deep breaths slowly – as they say – count to ten, OR take a walk.

Step 2

Save your energy and curb your feelings. In many anger-provoking situations it’s necessary to emotionally take time out before you reach your limit. Don’t keep trying so hard. If your expectations for your work or your relationships are too high, you may have become too emotionally involved.

Don’t saturate yourself in disappointment. You are not as alone or without options as you think you are.

Step 3

Tell yourself you have a choice in how you respond. You DO have a choice.

Have you ever opened your eyes in the morning and thought, “This is going to be a great day?” You can do likewise with anger. Tell yourself, “If I feel angry today, I’ll let myself feel the pain and possibly get hurt, but I don’t have to react with razor blade words, I have choices.”

If an anger-provoking confrontation with someone occurs, without making excuses for others, try to resist the temptation to take the situation personally.

Step 4

Calm down enough to manage the situation; THEN and only then, make a plan and follow through.

When you feel calmer, think back to what happened from as many views as possible. Set a goal of having less stress in your life. NO act that ultimately damages your life emotionally and/or legally is worth the price you’ll pay for immediate relief.

Keep in touch with where you are on the Stress Management rating scale. Subscribe to my newsletter and get a copy of my free ebook “What’s Your Stress Level, Tips for Managing Stress with the Ring Shui^TM Approach” that focuses in more detail on steps to relieve stress and how to incorporate Ring Shui^TM into the process.

Regrets, Compromises and Forgiveness

by barbara Leave a Comment

The word “regret” often falls on deaf ears. You may be someone who rationalizes everything you have experienced in your life, and you may say it was well worth it; or you may be someone who can admit that you already paid too high a price for lessons you may not have yet learned.

As you look back on your life, here are a few possible areas of regret:

Letting opportunities get away because of the needs of someone else.
Being sexually promiscuous.
Getting into a long-term relationship with the wrong person for you.
Letting your health go.
Taking a job to please someone else.
Condemning people for things that you do or have done yourself.
And more….

Forgiveness is releasing burdensome thoughts-hate, anger, revenge, hurt-towards someone whom you feel has harmed you or others intentionally or unintentionally. Part of the process of forgiveness is grieving, not minimizing what happened.

Forgiveness is part of your own healing process. Honor this process and don’t let anyone rush you on until you’re ready. Although you may think forgiveness is for the benefit of others, it’s really for you.

Probably the greatest task in life, and one of your greatest opportunities, is to look in the mirror and accept yourself for who you are right now. Once you heal your own hurts and regrets, the more compassion you will have for others.

Write down regrets you have to work through, compromises you need to make, and people you want to forgive. It especially helps if you are not judgmental, critical or blame yourself or others when completing this part of the exercise. How does that feel?

Filed Under: Forgiveness · Tagged With: Anger, forgiveness, regret, revenge

Release Anger, Write about it

by barbara 2 Comments

Whether you write the letter to yourself or to someone else, therapeutic letter writing is a safe place to vent your anger and relieve your stress. (A therapeutic letter is one you write, but don’t send.) File the letter where no one else will find it.

Or, when it no longer serves a purpose, burn it or tear it up. A journal to yourself is for your eyes only, or for those who would not be judgmental and who truly understand you. Journals are wonderful for writing about all of your feelings.

Here are a few thoughts about writing letters and journals:

Write a therapeutic letter to the person with whom you are angry, leave no holds barred. Either take the letter to your therapy or support group, or keep it in a safe place. Re-write the letter occasionally and read it to yourself or to someone you can trust.
Writing letters can be quite an effective way to express yourself, even if your writing to people who are deceased. The purpose is more for you to see what is truly in your own heart than to reveal information to someone else.
If you are feeling angry with yourself for staying stuck or putting up with a situation too long, write a forgiveness letter to yourself.
Place a ring on your right index finger and speak what you want to release. Put your energy into “releasing”…ahhh doesn’t that feel good!

Forgiving yourself is one of the finest acts of healing you can do. Write about lessons you have learned and vow not to repeat the mistakes over again. However, if you do repeat the same mistakes, forgive yourself again. Life is for learning, and if no mistakes are made, no real learning takes place.

Remember the quote by Marcel Proust, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes?”

Often, feelings of anger will give us new eyes, if we are willing to look at things differently and without judging them as “bad”. Look at tough situations as challenges that give your life color and depth.

Filed Under: Anger · Tagged With: Anger, express yourself, forgiving yourself, healing, writing, writing letters