When the price tag is too high in any situation you lose dignity, and self esteem.  Here are a few suggestions for getting out of what I call your “double bind“.

What is a Double Bind?

According to Webster, a double bind is “a psychological dilemma in which an ordinarily independent person received conflicting interpersonal communications from a single course or faces disparagement no matter what his response to a situation.”  In other words, you receive contradictory demands or expectations so that any action you take seems to be wrong.  You feel like you’re up against a wall.  (a double bind feels like a no-win situation)

Double-bind situations creep up when you are most vulnerable.  They are subtle and insiduous; they quickly wrap you in a web of confusion.  Often, you do not realize this potentially crazy-making situation until you are deeply involved, and then it appears too late to escape.  Even if you want to let go of the predicament, you can’t.  You feel you have to fix it; it’s your duty to fix it.  How often has THAT happened to you?

Below are a few suggestions to remove yourself….

***Gradual Withdrawal from Being Set Up

When someone continually sets you up for a verbal battle over almost any subject, you have the right to physically and mentally withdraw from the conversation.  You don’t have to be an emotional punching bag.  You know you are successfully handling a double bind when you are conscious that there is no way you can fix the problem except to alter your part in it.

***Take One Step At A Time

Double binds take place in and around our lives almost every day.  Once you recognize you have options, the more empowered you become to effectively handle the situation.

• Get out of the way, if possible.
• Keep going as best you can.
• Come to terms with the fact that there nothing you can do to fix situations for other people, unless they ask for help and truly want to change.
• Proceed with as little guilt, feelings of inadequacy or self-recrimination as possible.
• Learn as much as you can from the situation so you can avoid future problems.
• Recognize what draws you into double binds, maybe you’re being everyone’s “confidant”.
• Know that many double binds are inevitable and give yourself credit for recognizing when this is the case.